


Got My Heavy Heart To Hold Me Down

by wearethefoxes



Series: the game is not played alone [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Bullying, Canon-Typical Violence, Crushes, Derek and Laura are Twins, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious Derek, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Slurs, Warning: Kate Argent, fluff for a while and then terribleness, so this gets intense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4775960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearethefoxes/pseuds/wearethefoxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friday at lunch, Stiles sits down next to him - even though Erica is already on his one side and Laura is sitting with them that day - and spends the whole lunch period with his knee pressed against Derek’s thigh, sending him small smiles every time they make eye contact, and Derek’s sitting and blushing and thinking, <em>holy shit, it might actually be a date.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Got My Heavy Heart To Hold Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Turn Off The Lights" by Panic! at the Disco.
> 
> This is the fourth part in a series, so you'll probably be super confused if you don't read the other parts first!
> 
> Heed the warnings in the tags for this one. It's some intense shit. Someone gets beaten up because someone else is a homophobic shitbag. Slurs are said. Additional warnings will be in the end notes, but beware of spoilers!
> 
> BUT BEFORE THAT IT'S ALL TWO AWKWARD BOYS IN LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AND GOODNESS SO DON'T BE AFRAID
> 
> Enjoy <3

"So," Stiles says, slipping quickly into the seat across from Derek and then nearly sliding out of it before he catches himself. Derek watches with a small half smile, closing his sketchbook. "Derek."

He dips his head. "Stiles. Skipping class again, I see.”

Stiles’ grin is mischievous. Derek feels the warmth in his chest, and ducks his head as a blush fills his cheeks. Stiles says, “Who needs chemistry anyway?” and Derek smothers his laugh with his hand. When he looks up, Stiles is watching him and grinning, a small fond thing. Derek feels his laugh die a little, something twisting in his stomach. Stiles steeples his fingers on the table and meets Derek’s eyes. “You know about Jackson’s party this weekend?”

Derek nods. “Yeah, Lydia invited me.” The last time Jackson had a party, no one told him about it until after it was over. He probably wouldn't have gone anyway, but Stiles was furious, and didn't talk to Lydia for a week. Derek had been kind of touched.

Stiles flashes a grin again, pleased. “Good.” He looks down suddenly, and starts fiddling with his fingers. Derek watches him, surprised to see he looks nervous. It’s catching, apparently, because he starts worrying the eraser on his pencil. Stiles asks, “So, you’re going, right?”

“I guess,” Derek says, uncertain.

“You should,” Stiles says, suddenly confident again. “I want you to.”

Derek feels himself blushing again, but he doesn't hide it this time. “Really?”

Stiles smiles, genuine. “Yeah,” and Derek thinks, _oh. oh shit_. “See you there, then?”

“Definitely.”

There is a commotion at the front desk of the library, and Derek looks away to see Harris standing talking to Mrs Wilson, looking furious. Derek kicks Stiles under the desk and tips his head to Harris. “Oh, shit!” Stiles whispers, and shoots out of his chair, knocking it over. The noise makes Harris look over. “Oh, _shit_!” Stiles yells, and runs from the room with Harris yelling after him.

Derek folds his arms on the table and hides his face in them, blushing to hell and laughing. He feels warm all over.

 

Erica stomps into art class, throws her things on the table, and practically kicks her chair out of the way. Derek looks up from his drawing, startled, and watches as she rights her chair again, grumbling the whole time, drops down onto it looking vengeful. Carefully, he asks, “Is everything okay?”

“No!” she yells, and he jumps a little. “Boyd invited me to go with him to Jackson’s party this weekend. He _invited me_! Like a _date_! And I know everyone thinks we’ve been dating since he asked me to sit with him back in February, but we haven’t! This would be our first date! And I can’t even fucking _go_!”

“Language,” Ms Yang admonishes mildly from where she’s sitting at her desk.

“Sorry, Ms Yang,” Erica says insincerely, and Ms Yang rolls her eyes but waves her on.

“Why can’t you go?” Derek asks, trying not to smile for her sake.

“Because I have to work! I got work off for Jackson’s last party, and I can’t ask off for it again!” She flings her palms over her face in distress, and now that she’s not looking, Derek feels safe in smiling. He hides it quickly a moment later when she peeks out between her fingers at him, forcing his face into seriousness. “At least you can come hang out at the bakery with me, right? So I won’t be all alone?”

She sounds so hopeful, Derek immediately feels like shit when he says, “Actually, no.” He clears his throat, and looks at his fingers, folded on the table. “Um. Stiles invited me. So I’m. You know. Going.”

Ms Yang makes a strange noise at her desk, but she’s not looking at either of them when he glances over. Erica is grinning hugely, though, which is not the reaction he was expecting. “Really?” Erica breathes, and he nods, his brows creased. She squeals loudly, and he winces. “That’s so exciting, Derek! You've got a _date_!”

“ _What_!” Derek says, about three octaves higher than normal. Other students are beginning to filter into the classroom, so he leans forward and lowers his voice. “Erica, it is not a date.”

She smirks at him. “Sure it’s not.”

“Erica! It isn't!”

She regards him. “You want it to be though, right?”

He does not blush. He _doesn't_. “I’ll visit you at the bakery before the party, okay? Now would you drop it, please?”

She leans back in her chair, looking immensely satisfied. “Fine, but only for you. My shift starts at 6.”

He releases a breath. _Thank god_ , he thinks, as Isaac, Lydia, and Boyd walk in. “I’ll be there at 7.”

 

It’s not a date. He knows this, or makes himself know it, because if he starts thinking like it is and then it isn't, he’ll be crushed. Still, he kind of has a hard time looking at Stiles without blushing throughout the rest of the week.

Tuesday, when Stiles texts him a link to a time-lapse video of some artist drawing a portrait with the caption, _saw this and thought of you_ , he thinks, _it’s not a date._

Wednesday, when Stiles makes a stupid pun at lunch and then looks over at Derek like, _get it?_ , he blushes and looks away and thinks forcefully, _it’s not a date._

Thursday, and Stiles sends him a constant stream of emails in English class, making fun of the teacher and sending him pictures of cats doing various weird things. He gets kicked out of the class because of how loudly he laughs in reaction to a [vine](http://allyaisbae.tumblr.com/post/118298938579/seventhheavenx-i-was-so-close-to-having-my) Stiles sent of a cat with it’s head stuck inside a waffle, and spends his time in the hallway reminding himself, _it’s not a date._

Friday at lunch, and Stiles sits down next to him - even though Erica is already on his one side and Laura is sitting with them that day - and spends the whole lunch period with his knee pressed against Derek’s thigh, sending him small smiles every time they make eye contact, and he’s sitting and blushing and thinking, _holy shit, it might actually be a date._

That night, Laura makes fun of him with a twinkle in her eye as he panics over what to wear. She’s laying on his bed with a bag of chips, laughing as he sits on the floor in his closet and has a meltdown. “It’s just a party,” she says, her mouth full.

“Just a party!” he repeats, looking up from the two Henley's he’s been considering. “Laura! _I don’t go to fucking parties!_ There’s no such thing as _just a party!_ ”

From down the hall, he hears Cora say, “Jesus fucking Christ, you fucking drama queen,” and Laura spits half-chewed chips all over his comforter while he wheezes in indignation. That only makes Laura laugh harder.

All told, he leaves the house by six-thirty, both to escape his sisters and because he’s going out of his mind. Laura promises that she’ll tell Mom where he’s going as she laughs at him from the kitchen table, and then as she watches him fidget with his keys she softens, going over to him so Cora can’t hear. “It’ll be fine,” she says, her hand on his arm. “He obviously likes you already, if he asked you on a date.”

“Not a date,” he mumbles, but he doesn't even convince himself. Laura huffs a soft laugh and engulfs him in a hug. He breathes in her smell - the same shampoo she’s been using for years, and a small hint of Mom’s nice perfume that she steals sometimes - and takes comfort in the fact that if nothing else, they’re the same that they’ve always been.

“It’ll be fine,” she repeats, and then kisses him obnoxiously on the side of the head and pushes him out the door.

 

He intends to stay with Erica until eight, at which point he’ll head over to the party to meet Stiles. He spent most of his summer at the bakery with Erica, so it’s old hat by now. She’s the only one working and the bakery is practically empty at seven on a Friday night, so they share a slice of cheesecake and talk shit about their peers and each other for an hour. It’s familiar enough that it soothes Derek’s nerves, at least until about seven forty five, when a customer comes in and he’s left sitting on his own. He picks at his cuticles and worries, fiddling with the hem of his maroon sweater and sketching on a napkin.

After the customer leaves, Erica sits down next to him again. She’s silent for a while, and then she says, “I’m sure it will be fine.”

Derek snorts. “You and Laura must go to the same sources. She told me the same thing, before I left the house.”

“It’s a nice source, you know. Very solid,” Erica says dryly, and then, soft, “hey. It’ll be okay.”

He looks away from her and starts shredding his napkin. “I don’t do parties,” he mumbles. “There’s so many people and it feels like everyone is looking at me and it gets so hot and I can only talk to like three of the people who are gonna be there, two of whom are fucking related to me and -” Erica lays a hand on his to stop the flow of words, and he takes a breath. “I haven’t even been to one of these since freshman year.”

She pauses. “You mean since Kate.”

He winces. She doesn't know much about Kate, except that they dated and it was very, very bad  - no one knows more than this besides Laura, really - but she seems to understand anyway how much it fucked him up. He nods. Her thumb is rubbing soothingly on the back of his hand as she says, quietly, “Stiles isn't Kate, you know.”

He sighs. “I didn't think Kate was Kate either, until she was.”

Erica makes a frustrated noise. “Derek. You’re being obtuse. Stiles is not Kate. You _know_ Stiles, and I know Stiles, and whatever shit Kate did to you, Stiles isn't going to do the same. And if he does - which he _won’t_ \- then it’s not like you’re gonna take it this time, and you’ll bounce back, just like you did last time.”

Bounce back. What an optimistic way of saying that he’s still fucked up, but at least he didn't die. God.

“Yeah,” he says, for lack of anything else to say.

“Hey,” she says, sharper, and he looks up at her. “You know you’re my best friend, right?” He blinks at her, and she laughs at the expression on his face. “Damn right. And that means I wouldn't lie to you. So, here’s how this is going to work. You’re looking hot as fuck right now, so Stilinski is going to have an aneurysm just from looking at you, and yeah, it might be awkward, but it’s _always_ awkward with you, so it’s not like it’ll be any different. At some point tonight, he’ll probably try to hold your hand, and then _you’ll_ be the one having an aneurysm, but you’ll get through it, all right? It might be awkward, and the party might suck, but you’re going on a date with Stiles Stilinski, who is not Kate, and you look fucking hot, so at least there’s that. Now, it’s currently,” she checks her phone, “7:53, so you should get the fuck out of here and go kill it.”

Derek laughs incredulously, and she grins at him and pushes him from the chair. “Go!” she says, laughing, and he stands, squeezing her hand as he goes. He doesn't have words to thank her for what she said, but he thinks she gets it.

He’s feeling actually kind of - good, when he leaves, thanks to Erica’s pep talk. He’s feeling ready, at least, like he can handle whatever happens at the party tonight, good or bad, so of course that’s when he runs into Kate.

Literally runs into her, between buildings with his car in his sight.

She breaks out in a sunny smile as he tries to stumble away from her, catching his arms so he doesn't get that far. “Derek! Just the man I wanted to see! I've been looking for you, you know.”

His stomach drops. He’s thinking _oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit_ and nothing else.

“Jen - you remember Jen, don’t you? What a doll, that girl - anyway, she informed me that tonight you plan on going to a party! I don’t think you've been to one of _those_ in a while! Not since, what -” here, she smiles at him again, “oh, it must of have been your freshman year? Do you remember that time you lost your virginity in the back of my car at Ennis’ party? God, what a good time, am I right?” She titters a laugh.

He’s going to throw up.  He says hoarsely, “What do you want, Kate?”

“Oh, boy’s got words now! Isn't that a refreshing change of pace!” Her fingernails are digging into his upper arms, and he thinks she’ll leave bruises, just like she did back then. Her smile drops. “The thing is, Der, is that I heard you were planning on going to a party with a _boy_! But I must have been wrong, right?”

Woodenly, he shakes his head. He can see her white SUV parked right next to his car, and he watches as four large men climb out of it. He swallows.

“So you _are_ going with a boy! Oh, we just can’t have that, can we? See, I can’t have it getting around that I dated some goddamn _fag_.” Her spit lands on his upper lip, and he flinches. “I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”

“You graduated from high school almost two years ago, what does it matter -” and she slaps him. He stumbles back, feels the wetness on his cheek from where her nails cut him. He feels dizzy, thinking, _it’s this, it’s this again._

“It always matters,” she snaps, pushing him away, and he trips into the four men. “Now I’d like you to meet my friends. Their names aren't important. They work for my daddy, and they’re very loyal.” She winks at them as two of them grip his arms hard enough to leave bruises. They’re all four of them much, much bigger than him, with mean faces and adoration for her in their eyes. “I think you’ll have a nice time getting to know each other.” She looks at her watch. “I’d love to stay and watch, but sadly, I've got places to be! I've heard that there’s a _crazy party_ happening at Jackson Whittemore’s tonight. It’s really too bad you won’t be able to make it.” She pats his cheek, right where his cut is, and then grips his face in one of her hands and kisses him, wet and dirty and disgusting. She tastes like strawberry lip gloss, just like he remembers.  “Tootles!” she says, and flounces away.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Kate finds out that Stiles and Derek are going to a party together and is not pleased. She corners him in an alley, says some unpleasant things about their relationship, calls Derek a fag (sorry! i hate that word!), and then leaves him with four giant guys to get beat up.
> 
> Whooo! That was a wild ride at the end. The next part should be up in like a weekish? Or two? Be on watch for it I guess. The fifth part, while not necessarily the final part, will bring the plot as it's been building so far to a close and resolve all the shit with Kate and also with Stiles. Additionally, the final part will be split into two chapters, and will be significantly longer! (I'm thinking like 5,000-10,000 words all told for that one!)
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for the cliffhanger! (and all the exclamation points in these notes good god)
> 
> Oh! And if you noticed any spelling or grammar errors or anything, please let me know!
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://allyaisbae.tumblr.com), if you'd like to yell at me on there!
> 
> Comments are the greatest! Thank you guys for the kudos and subscriptions and shit, it means the world to me <3


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